ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
