i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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