I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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