If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
