Actions speak louder than pants.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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