smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
