my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
