So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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