there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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