this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
