That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
