Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
