2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
