Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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