Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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