That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Randomize
