We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Randomize
