Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Are we still banned from the library?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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