"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
