The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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