Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
