One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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