Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Randomize
