I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
