Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
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