just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
