Porn is love you can see.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
