You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
