Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Gay?
German.
Pity.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
