I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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