she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
whose parrot is this?
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
