I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Randomize
