No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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