what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
