so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
