You just made me feel so damn special
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
