I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
