i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm at about main and main street
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
