I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
