There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Randomize
