Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
