So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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