Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
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