I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I enjoy the company of your penis
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
