Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
