shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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