toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
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