I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Randomize
