just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We had sex on a dog bed..
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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