If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
