He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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