he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
