Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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