apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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