I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
